Dottie tells us to massage problems in order to work them out. Therefore, I am not necessarily letting wounds fester by reviewing the conflict between me and the daytrippers hiking group managers.
She has some tips for handling problems in all sorts of relationships. Among them, she recommends that one stuff their ego in her back pocket, think outwardly and be real. I am glad to say that she does not brace pacifism, however; rather, she recommends that one face up to bad behaviour or situations that are negating by practicing "soft assertiveness".
The question is, have I been softly assertive in this case? Not entirely, I have to admit. I let some sarcasm slip against J in front of others. True, he is known to be a jackass often deliberately offensive, be manipulative and to get into fights when he's out on the town. Also, I let some of my real friends in the group know my satisfaction with A, but only because they were asking me why the river walk had not happened. I informed others that this outing had been scheduled to replace the one that I had called and offered to host without consultation. I told them I felt two leaders had crossed me.
Another recommendation that Dottie advises is to disengage from toxic people and situations. I failed to follow my initial reaction and go out to the river without the group anyway. I think I would have been more at peace had I done that and just let others see the offense for themselves.
The main reasons why I went in the end were (1) not to be denied the kind of exercise I like to do on such a fine day, and (2) not to be cut off from the hikers whose company I enjoy and my real friends in the group. Those two organizers are the links to these people. I thought I'd probably feel okay once I got out there and started hiking. When they acted as if nothing had happened and pretended that all was well, my stomach boiled and my mind fumed.
Getting cut off from this group was not my doing; it was an unjust action by someone denying his part in causing friction, and a second responsible person by ignoring me, but looking sheepish the whole afternoon nevertheless, and hiding behind the skirts of the first, and they both colluding to cover up what they did and quashing my presence in the group. Now they are likely going to slander me when my absence is noticed.
It is clear that I was plainly dissed, so my emotional reaction is valid, though my actions in response may not have been the wisest. For those who have a regular and consistent association with the group, they would realise what has happened. I attended the counter-event with that faith, and so as not to get cut off from It's got to look especially bad in that I am the only Western female quasi senior who participates in the group's outings. I don't think showing some irritation after being publicly insulted would be seen to merit the heavy-handed response of being banned from the "open" group.
The ban is a typically childish action belying the self-centered perspective, denial and insensitivity that characterises this guy, a recognized alcoholic. Meanwhile, A, who is actually the one who cast doubt on my organizing and took the initiative to create a new event that day, without consulting me at that time, then without even trying to feign excuses and concern on the day of the event. To those who have spent enought time in her company, it will be known that she can be cold, aloof and sometimes power oriented.
However it happened and whoever orchestrated it, setting some distance between us for now is best. I should have my own confidence as a respected member of the broader community who know my work, concerns and character. Probably, others will eventually suggest that the ban is going too far.
Having made an effort to think outward and stay busy with things that are meaningful, necessary and priorities for me, I should find balance and settle down soon. There has been a good response to the announcement of a Walk for Women on March in that another community group, the Busan Volunteers, has joined in. As they have over 100 members and see 20 to 30 participants show up to their activities, I can rest assured that the women's walk will be a success whatever happens.
I opted not to go on the hike scheduled today, and I think it is best, though, obviously, I am still a little riled and stressed about the conflict. I am trying to focus on my life.
I packed up three boxes full of household belongings including books, ornaments, summer wear and clothing for extreme cold. Looking at these boxes stacked up by the wall, and seeing what remains to be packed when the actual moving day comes (Feb. 25th), I feel that I have a firm handle on the work of packing.
For brunch, I tried making something new with a powdered curry mix I recently picked up: a Thai styled sweet curry employing sweet potato, sweet bell peppers, and zucchini. It was good.
I also wrote a poem today. Using this medium as a way to channel some of the ill feeling into a good place. Basing the topic on the information I've picked up from crime documentaries such as Dateline Mystery and 48 Hours, I wrote about the psychopathic personality. (This is not a reference to J and A.) I won't post it here; instead, I've posted it on my Gmail "Words" page.